don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
