I didn't shave. On purpose
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
