I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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