and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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