I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
