I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
