my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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