Sry I called you an 8
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
