I accidentally had phone sex last night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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