You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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