found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
