I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
