No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
