Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
