I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
