Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
