i already hear my dad disowning me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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