I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
