Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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