Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
