please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
