so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
