We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
