It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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