It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
