I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
