u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
