its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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