i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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