Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
