THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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