At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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