I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
