Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
