I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
