Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
