i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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