So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
