Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
