dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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