Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
