TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
