She went from zero to smokin in five shots
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
