No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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