I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I could make wine with my vomit
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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