I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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