I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
