I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
