I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
