I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
