guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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