mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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