god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
