I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
