Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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