There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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