omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
