sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
