I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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